TOTI & DAVID (The Blogcom 1)

E-POSTSODE 1: PRIDE, PREJUDICE AND PRONUNCIATION

Toti is a Filipino gay in his early 30s. David an American, also gay, in his late 40s. They have been cohabiting for the past 3 years in a typical apartment in Makati, Philippines. It is a Sunday afternoon, David is busy working at his laptop. Toti steps out onto the porch...

TOTI

What is this rag out...?

DAVID

Honey, you don't say 'rag out'... it's 'ragout'!

TOTI

No, I'm talking 'bout this rag out here...

DAVID

Oh you mean 'rug', not 'rag'... and appropriately, it's a door mat.

TOTI

No... I'm talking 'bout this rag. Your friggin' old t-shirt you cut up this morning to wipe Pacquiao's puke! Before you even interrupt me, why don't you get your eyes off that laptop and see what I'm talking about! Must you always correct my pronunciation? I hate it when you do that, David!

DAVID

Oh, Honey, don't get testy with me...

(Toti gets leashes for Imelda, the pet Weimaraner and Pacquiao, the mongrel who scares the shit out of all the neighborhood dogs.)

TOTI

I'm walking the dogs, YOU cook dinner!

DAVID

Oh, okay... how would you like your steak?

TOTI

I'm not eating your bloody steak, I WANT TUYO! (under his breath) ...Leche

DAVID

Toti dear, don't let me cook your tuyo?

TOTI

It's TOH-Tea, not TOE-tee, and it's Two-YOH, not TOO-YOW... (to the dogs) halina kayo mga bata, dali, mamamasyal tayo ni mommy! (let's go kids, Mom's taking you out for a walk!)

DAVID

How do you expect the dogs to be disciplined when you insist on talking to them in Tagalog! Dogs aren't bilingual...

TOTI

(stepping outside) Akala nya hindi ko alam ang 'ragout' at paano bigkasin ito? Kaloka!

Ragout-ragout ka pa dyan, pochero lang yan no?! (And he thinks I don't know what 'ragout' is and how it's pronounced?! That's pochero!)

-curtains-

A new e-postsode of TOTI & DAVID will be posted every Sunday.

tuyo: salted, dried fish often eaten with raw tomatoes

pochero/puchero: A meat stew similar to Spain's cocido, but Indigenized by Filipinos via the addition of saba bananas and/or sweet potatoes.