TOTI & DAVID (The Blogcom 5)

E-POSTSODE 5: MY BEST FRIEND'S PARENTS' WEDDING

INT. / DINING TABLE / SUNDAY BRUNCH

(Toti is eating sinangag and longganisa while David is having pancakes, bacon, eggs and a glass of milk)

TOTI

Wait, hold it right there... (reaches for his celfone and takes a picture of David) There, you'd be perfect for our next ad campaign (shows David his pic with a milk mustache)

DAVID

Oh, but that campaign has been done before...

TOTI

I know, but it's what the clients want...

DAVID

How original... I preferred your 'Camping Storyboard': where the kids tell their father & mother to drink their milk, and tell them all the benefits of why they should drink milk everyday, why it's good for the bones and all that... then the kids tuck their parents in bed, kiss them goodnight, "now you be a good Daddy and Mommy, the kids are going out tonight"... then they go outside in the moonlight to their backyard, meet up with their friends, go inside the tent they've pitched, play cards, smoking imaginary cigarettes, while drinking milk out of beer mugs!

TOTI

I know, I loved that concept too... but even the creative team didn't appreciate the irony... they still want the mother-goose-everything-rosy-and-sunshiney-the-world-is-perfect TV commercial... how cutting-edge, only the cutting edge needs a good slap on a leather strap...

DAVID

Are they still using that fat actress as endorser?

TOTI

(almost chokes on his food) David! She's the mega-star! Don't let any of my co-workers hear you say that... that's almost sacrilegious! They'd burn you like a fattened capon, chop you to pieces, toss you into the boiling cauldron, and offer you to the high priestess of Philippine Advertising... you know, the one who thinks he's Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada!

DAVID

(chuckles) Go easy on the vinegar dip, honey, your tongue's acerbic enough... where'd you learn to spew such language?

TOTI

My mom raised me well... you should've met her... oh boy, at less than 5 feet tall, how she could make a mouse out of my Dad with her one-liners, with one look, and the perfect jab of her retorts! BAM! And my Dad would start to thrash everything within grasp!

DAVID

Must've been fun growing up in your household...

TOTI

Yeah... but at one point my parents' daily drama got the better of us. We had scrambled sarcasm for breakfast, grilled arguments for lunch, pancakes slathered with saccharine apologies for the afternoon snack, a heartily tossed catharsis salad for dinner, then a mug of forget-about-everything-that happened-today chocolate milk before bedtime. (Toti loses it...) AND I WAS ONLY FUCKIN' 5 YEARS OLD!

(Toti tries to regain composure, he vainly attempts to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes as he tinkers with the food on his plate, his hands shaking...

Beat. David reaches over and holds Toti's hand...)

TOTI

(standing up and sings...) And that's how the little girl down the lane grew uuupppppp! (Toti lights up a cigarette and steps outside towards porch.)

DAVID

(Beat) I'm just here, honey... I'm just here. And will always be here. Don't you forget that. (He starts to clear the table...)

TOTI

(shaking and in tears mutters to himself) Didn't they know better than to feed their kids verbal abuse...

A new e-postsode of Toti & David will be posted every Sunday