traffic analysis

Thursday, February 18, 2010


Everyone is bitching about the Cement Pine Tree at the top of Session Road, Baguio City. There is a page on Facebook clamoring to take it down. The tree was erected during former Congressman Bernardo Vergara's term sometime in the mid 90s. It was reported to have cost more than a million pesos. After all these years, people only now are riled up about it?! Certain sectors of the city are bent on tearing it down and are looking for ideas on what to build/do in its place. Here are some ideas:

1. Erect a giant, concrete strawberry instead. The Pine Tree was ugly to begin with, that's why people hate it. Make sure the strawberry is cute. The seeds can be removable exposing a small slot wherein people can write their wishes/prayers and insert it there and replace the seeds back. Just like that wall in Jerusalem. This will be a sure hit with tourists.

2. Remember the infamous Marcos Bust in Taloy? Okay, I don't propose they build a new one at the top of Session Road. Forget Philippine Presidents or Heroes, their faces are all over our money anyway. I say we build a bust of Manny Pacquiao. Aber, who's going to complain? Could be another crowd drawer. Besides, Pacquiao trains in Baguio City when he can.

3. The Lion carved from stone in Kennon Road has withstood time. I say it's time we put the Rotary wheel up in Session Road including Rotary's 4-Way Test. Enuf said.

4. Speaking of Lions -- why not erect a giant, gold cat with the swaying arm? But the mechanism should rely on wind or solar power. What if there's a brownout, luck might dissipate. Henry Sy might just shoulder the expense sparing the city's budget. Good Feng Shui not only for SM but for entire Session Road.

5. A Basketball Board and Ring. Traffic is sooooo bad during peak hours people might as well shoot some hoops and get their daily exercise. Hindi lang pampamilya, pang-sports pa!

6. Now I get it! With traffic sooooo bad at the top of Session Road, take down the tree and make it a drive-thru service. But wait, let's not give it to McDonald's or Jollibee ha, and most definitely not another 7-11 -- dapat homegrown business. Don Henrico's or Pizza Volante should bid for the space. Or they can be back-to-back. Other businesses could be a laundry shop, copy center, travel agency, pawnshop, etc. I've seen some of these here in Manila that occupy a floor area much less than the rotunda. The rent will be added income to the city.

7. Advertising space. Put a giant frame for more billboards! Nothing excites the youth more than scantily clad male/female models advertising anything and everything. It will get the youth all worked up that they'd prefer to make love not war. Crime rate will go down. Population will skyrocket. Good for the economy and the future ob gyne/pediatricians.

8. An ice skating rink for children only. We can secretly train our future Winter Olympians there. Yeah, start them young!

9. If people are in the mood of tearing down stuff -- I say we transfer the Bell Amphitheater in John Hay to the top of Session Road. More people will have access and can appreciate that historical piece in its new location. We can then have weekly "Baguio's Got Talent" contests there. No need for judges. Commuters will be the judges. If a contestant is belched with smoke then he's a loser. If vehicles honk, eh di winner! Then we can close Session Road on Baguio Day every September and hold the finals there for everyone to watch. We won't have to import artistas from Manila anymore. Or comediennes who spew racist slurs.

10. Put up a mini museum. The museum will feature artifacts from the Old Baguio. It will be sound-proof, temperature controlled at a cool 15 degrees celsius year round and pine scented. Perfect for those hankering for the glory days of our beloved city.


Oh and please don't tear down the cement pine tree. Carefully "ball" and "transplant" it to that restaurant a few meters away with the giant igorots. Bagay diba? Besides, sayang naman the millions spent on the tree. Or better -- shove it in a garage in Q.M. to remind that politician of his folly. And please ask him to reimburse the expense to the city.


  1. Can I add a number 11, which was inspired when I saw the first one about "erecting" a giant strawberry. One of my quintessential Baguio memories is the man-in-a-barrel wood carving where when you lift the barrel off the man, a giant, err, phallus springs out.

    I have met a few people here, mostly older men who probably served in the Navy or maybe Air Force. They remember Baguio fondly and had a twinkle in their eye when they asked whether I ever played with one of those things. There was an antique store next to us in the old Empire Building that sold the man-in-a-barrel wood carvings along with the dogs playing billiards and cards.

  2. How about replacing something tacky with something even more apropos: a giant mechanical "man in the barrel", with a 10 meter member on a spring? At each hour the barrel would raise and the member would strike a gong the appropriate number of times!
    The city can set up a souvenir store directly below and sell miniature versions to the touristas.

  3. now, now Waldo and Rory -- and I was sooooo tempted to put that man-in-the-barrel in the list but I thought it to be too much of a cliche. And then here are both of you suggesting it?!

    My version though would be a replica of the Congressman who put the cement pine tree up, inside a barrel, and when the barrel is lifted -- NOTHING! He has no balls. Hahahaha! Or maybe just a weenie bit of a male organ. Hahahahahaha!

    I'm watching too much gay porn...

    but then again, no... otherwise the congressman-in-the-barrel would have a ginormous sex organ!

  4. The Cement Pine Tree is gone. It was reduce to rubble sometime this past week.