YOUR BRAIN IS 20% TURNED OFF

I was at the ukay yesterday for some last minute shopping. I was on the lookout for cotton and/or linen pants and shirts that I could use for the coming summer. I went to Bayanihan and entered a shop that had posted signs "SALE 20% OFF" on their racks of clothes. I go straight to the rack with men's shirts.

I spent about 15 to 20 minutes going through each item. Mainly checking the size. Most were medium or large, some even XL (I'm a size small or 14 1/2) -- I settle for a Paul Smith (size Med/15) with violet vertical pin stripes on white and a Zara floral short-sleeved shirt (size Med/15). I thought, it would be for summer anyway, no need to have the slim, tailored fit. Should be more loose thus breezier. I check on the price tags stapled to the collars and both read P320. I did a quick mental calculation subtracting 20% off and came up with P256. I go towards sales girl with P500 in hand. Here now is what transpired:

ME
(smiling) 500 Hundred Pesos laengen daytoy duwa wen? (May I just have both for P500)

SALES GIRL
Ay hindi po sir. P300 lang talaga ang isa. (Oh no, sir, they're P300 each)

ME
(Pointing to sign) Haan aya nga sale kayo? 20% Off kunana. (Aren't you on sale? It says 20% Off)

SALES GIRL
(Pointing to P320 price tag on collar) Oo nga sir, tinanggal na namin ang P20 kaya P300 each. (Yes sir, we already deducted the P20 that's why they're P300 each)

ME
(bewildered but patiently trying to explain) Haan ah, sabali ti 20% Off. Less P64 dapat. So rumwar nga P256 isu ngarud nga agtawar ac kuma nga P250 laengen tapnu P500 diay duwa. (But no, 20% means it's less P64 so each shirt should come out to P256 that's why I'm hoping you'd give me a further discount by rounding it off to P250 each so P500 for both)

SALES GIRL
Hindi po sir, P300 lang talaga ang last price namin diyan. (I'm sorry but P300 is our last price)

ME
(getting a bit irritated also noticing that she has refused to answer me in Ilocano and insisting on speaking in Tagalog) Haan, sabali ti 20% Off ah. Dapat imbaga yu kuma less P20. (No, 20% Off means a different thing altogether. You should have just claimed P20 Off)

SALES GIRL
(Defiantly) Pareho lang yun! (It's the same!)

ME
(last ditch effort) Haan aya ti 50% Off ket half the price? Haan nga less P50? (Isn't it when you say 50% Off it means half the price and not less P50?)

SALES GIRL
(Realizing the mistake remains quiet, then...) Hindi po sir, P300 lang talaga. (Sorry, but it's P300 only)

ME
(trying my bestest to maintain my composure) Haan ngaruden... thank you. (Well, never mind then... thank you.)

I put the shirts back on the rack and as I walk out I hear the sales girl say to another sales girl:

SALES GIRL
Ay sus! Adu la amin ammu na! (Hmph! That know-it-all!)

The Lord God above knows I tried my best not go back in and slap her. It would have felt sooooo gooooood. But no, I did not.

I was thinking is that how low the standard of education has gone in the Philippines? I'm sure she finished high school as that is the minimum requirement for most sales staff. I'm no math wizard myself but I can do basic arithmetic. Didn't we all learn percentages in Grade 3 or 4? I remembered my sister's former secretary in her clinic who was a college graduate (from the foremost private university in Baguio) but couldn't do manual addition (pencil and paper) she had to rely on the calculator. I remember thinking then, how did she even pass elementary?

I was seething with exasperation. My thoughts even went further blaming the entire educational system in the Philippines and the Catholic church. I was thinking: "So okay, since the church is against birth control couldn't they at least provide quality education for all? The best schools in the country are private, catholic schools and only available to those who can afford the exorbitant tuition fees. Since our population is ballooning at a faster pace than even vehicles traverse downtown Baguio on rush hour, why not educate these people? We'll end up with a populace of idiots! God have mercy!"

But there is a happy ending to this blog. I go off to another store within the inner recesses of Bayanihan and find me a pair of white Levi's denim, a linen drawstring pair of pants, a pale blue seersucker pair of pants and a cotton chambray short-sleeved shirt. And all for the price of FIVE HUNDRED AND FORTY PESOS!

I go to Mandarin Restaurant for my favorite Beef, Tomato and Chinese Sausage Rice Meal with Corn and Crab Soup on the side and Service Tea. Thank God for simple pleasures. And thank you Lord for giving me the patience in times like these.

Amen.