BE COOL TO THE PIZZA DUDE

I am quoting here an adaptation of "Be Cool To The Pizza Dude" by Sarah Adams that I have recently come across in my sister's Body & Soul Magazine.

I think it will make better drivers out of the bastards behind steering wheels in Metro Manila. Also, it's less mushy and puerile than Fulghum's "Everything I Needed To Blah, Blah, .... Kindergarten"

LARGE OPEN QUOTATION MARKS If I have one operating philosophy about life, it is this: "Be cool to the pizza delivery dude; it's good luck." Four principles guide the pizza dude philosophy.

PRINCIPLE 1: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in humility and forgiveness. I let him cut me off in traffic because there should be one moment in my harried life when a car may encroach or pass and I let it go. After all, the dude is delivering pizza to young and old, families and singletons, gays and straights, blacks, whites, and browns, rich and poor, vegetarians and meat lovers alike. As he journeys, I give safe passage, practice restraint, show courtesy, and contain my anger.

PRINCIPLE 2: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in empathy. Let's face it: We've all taken jobs just to have a job because some money is better than none. In the big pizza wheel of life, sometimes you're the hot, bubbly cheese, and sometimes you're the burnt crust. It's good to remember the fickle spinning of that wheel.

PRINCIPLE 3: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in honor. Let me tell you something about these dudes: They never took over a company and, as CEO, artificially inflated the value of the stock and cashed out their own shares, resulting in 20,000 people losing their jobs. Rather, the dudes sleep the sleep of the just.

PRINCIPLE 4: Coolness to the pizza delivery dude is a practice in equality. My measurement as a human being is the pride I take in performing my job -- any job -- and the respect with which I treat others. I am the equal of the world not because of the car I drive or the size of the TV I own but because of the kindness in my heart. And it all starts with the pizza delivery dude.

Tip him well, friends and brethren, for that which you bestow freely and willingly will bring you all the happy luck that a grateful universe knows how to return. LARGE CLOSE QUOTATION MARKS

postscript: My neighbor was a pizza delivery dude when I was still renting a minuscule pad (more like an industrial oven -- stainless, but HOT!) a few years back. He was a well-mannered family man, a father of one son, who I eventually became godfather to. On the late night shifts, he'd come home with a small paper bag of take-out food I'd presume, for his family, always smiling despite the wrinkled, dusty uniform and bags under his eyes. On occasion, I'd ask him to fix electrical or plumbing problems in my pad and he'd oblige never taking the money I'd offer him. So, we became drinking partners on certain weekends. Much to his wife's ... oh never mind... and I'm not telling any of you any more details...

TOTI & DAVID (The Blogcom 4)

E-POSTSODE 4: DRIVING ME DIZZY

INT/EXT / DAVID'S CAR / EARLY EVENING

(Toti & David are on their way home from a day-trip in the south of Manila. They are playing 'Categories' to while away the time in traffic...)

TOTI

...Denmark?

DAVID

...said it...

TOTI

...uhm...uh...Dominican Republic!

DAVID

Ok. Djibouti.

TOTI

Huh? D' Beauty?

DAVID

Dji-bou-ti...

TOTI

No such country exists. You're making it up...

DAVID

Bet?

TOTI

Ok you win. Enough of geography. Can I pick the next category?... Famous Gay or Lesbian Couples... Past or Present... Oscar Wilde and Lord Alfred Douglas...

DAVID

...Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas....

TOTI

How about Merchant I-forgot-his-first-name & James Ivory?

DAVID

Merchant & Ivory ha? Very well... Dolce & Gabbana...

TOTI

Rock Hudson and James Dean...

DAVID

Just because they had a fling doesn't make them a couple? Besides it was all hearsay... Ellen Degeneres and Anne Heche.

TOTI

Duh?! Ellen Degeneres AND Portia Da Rossi.

DAVID

Ernie and Bert

TOTI

Ernie and Bert aren't gay! If they were they'd keep up with the fashion times. Bert is still wearing that stupid striped v-neck shirt! Retro is soooo last millenium?! I'm talking about real famous gay & lesbian couples. Not muppets. Your turn!

(David makes a sharp left turn...)

TOTI

David...!

DAVID

You told me to turn!

(They hear a police siren behind them. Policeman in motorcycle overtakes and signals David to pull over... David stops car by the side as police walks toward them)

TOTI

Oh no... Just bribe him...

DAVID

I'm not going to bribe anyone...

TOTI

This will just take sooooo long...

DAVID

Good evening officer. I didn't know you couldn't turn left back there...

POLICE

It's ok Sir... we're just making random checks... where are you from, sir?

DAVID

Oh we live a few blocks from here, near Reposo...

POLICE

No, I mean what country are you from?

DAVID

Oh, I'm from California, USA.

POLICE

Oh, I have many relatives there!

TOTI

(mutters to himself) utang na loob, chumika pa ang hitad... (and he has the nerve to small talk...)

DAVID

Have you been to California before?

POLICE

No, but I plan to go this year. My visa was denied before... maybe you can help me...

TOTI

Uhm, David... I think we have to go... (To police) Sir, baka naman pwede na po kaming... nagmamadali po kasi itong kasama ko at may overseas call pa syang inaantay (Sir, would it be okay if we... my friend here is in a rush, he's expecting an overseas call...)

POLICE

Sir, will you please open your luggage compartment... this is just a routine random check... there have been bomb threats we have received lately... (Police goes to rear of car...)

TOTI

Will you please stop making small talk with the police. You never know what these guys are capable of... what if he plants some contraband at the back of the car?!

DAVID

But he seems genuinely nice... I don't think he's going to do...

POLICE

Okay sir, you may go now... if you want I can escort you...

TOTI

Ay! Wag na po, dyan lang naman po kami nakatira... (It's alright, we just live near from here)

POLICE

(To David) Ok, here's my card, just in case you get into any traffic problem in Makati, show the police my card, tell them I'm your friend (He winks at David and smiles)

(David gets card, shakes the hand of the police officer and thanks him. They drive off...)

TOTI

Did you see that?

DAVID

(feigning ignorance) What?

TOTI

He was coming on to you!

DAVID

(looking at the card and grinning) He wasn't...

TOTI

I saw him wink at you! And policemen don't give out their cards?!

DAVID

He was just being nice... and if you were nicer to other people as well, without being catty all the time, you'll see, people will be nice to you too...

TOTI

And you were leading him on!

DAVID

(teasingly) Oh, Honey... you're jealous...

TOTI

It's just that... I always thought... between the two of us... I was the gorgeous one...

DAVID

And you are, honey. You're a looker.... Maybe you're not just his type... that's all. No need to get upset about it...

TOTI

You're not going to call him are you?

DAVID

Huh? No...

TOTI

Give me his card...

DAVID

Keep the card in the car... you never know when it's going to come in handy... besides you don't drive...

TOTI

Let me see his card, I'll google him...

DAVID

(hands Toti the card) ...ogle all you want, dear!

TOTI

Oh... my... god... (Toti is looking at card in disbelief. At the backside of the card is a photo of the policeman in leather and bondage paraphernalia... he is smiling in the photo... there is a caption that says... "I'm yours. If you're bad!")

DAVID

(looking straight down the road, whistling the first two lines of YMCA...) Why do I always attract the creeps and weirdos...?!

TOTI

ULOL! (Hits David's arm with his abanico)

A new e-postsode of Toti & David will be posted every Sunday.

ULOL -- shithead

abanico -- fan

TROPICAL FRUITS: GUAVAS

The first time I remember eating guavas was while living in Tabuk, Kalinga in the early 70s. My family had relocated there as my father wanted to carve a political career in the region. My father was a lawyer and often times his clients would pay him in kind -- a chicken or two, a pig perhaps, vegetables. Once, a jeep-load of guavas was delivered to our front yard. My mother immediately took to making guava jelly, something she had picked up from her mother although my Lola Felicing was known more for her strawberry jam (that will be another blog post in the future).

The guava Psidium guajava was native to C. America and the West Indies but found its way to Asia thanks to the Portuguese explorers of yore. The guava fruit is generally small and round but varies in color, texture and taste. The inner core may be pale green, yellow, yellow-green, pink depending on the variety and degree of ripeness. The guava is best eaten raw, I believe, when it is in its semi-ripe stage. You will have a delicate tartness and tender flesh to chew on, and the seeds will easily separate from the flesh. Overripe guavas are best for cooking jelly, making syrup, jam preserves or as a base for sinigang -- the Filipino broth known for its sourness. Eating overripe guavas can make you queasy as the texture is like mush and may be too pungent for comfort. Also, ripe guavas may have a worm or two. Although that would signify its organic and pesticide-free state.

I like eating guavas with salt and vinegar. Or patis (fish sauce) with some chillies. What you do is wash the guavas thoroughly, quarter them, and soak in your preferred dip for a few minutes. Guavas are seasonal but there are guava candies in some provinces. Or those sublime guava jellies from Bukidnon made and sold by the monks in a monastery there. The guava soda at the Cafe by the Ruins is the best. I've tried. Ever.

Guavas are rich in vitamin C and fiber. In the Philippines, guavas are thought to be medicinal. In the summer of 1975, I was circumcised in the hospital. I was brought home and made to wear a skirt. My grandmother had instructed our help to steep some guava leaves as a salve and a rinse for my 'wound' down there. To avoid swelling -- tapnu haan nga ag camatis (so it won't swell like a tomato). The old folks believed in the antiseptic and anti-inflammatory properties of the guava. Heck, I couldn't care less how they were going to treat me -- I WAS WEARING A SKIRT! YIPEE!!!

Now, dear reader, every time you eat a guava and/or tomato, I want you to have a visual of me as an 8 year-old wearing a skirt. I do all the time. And that is the point of this blog post.

FIL-AM FRIENDSHIP DAY

I am not pro-American. Far from it. I did recently pass up on an all-expense-paid trip courtesy of my Aunt to California and Las Vegas this August because of prior commitments. I don't want to sound ungrateful, I do miss my relatives in the States, but really I'm not big on visiting California or Las Vegas. I would definitely want to see New York someday though. Anyway, this post is about growing up Pinoy albeit with an 'American' sensibility. I think.

My Manileno friends in college at the UP Baguio often chided me for being too 'American'. You see, growing up in Baguio in the 70s, we spoke English at home. My parents had instilled in us the use of the English Language because we would fare better in school -- English being the medium of instruction in our predominantly American, if not Belgian, educational system up north. My contemporaries and the older generation would attest to this. We did pride ourselves for speaking, writing and thinking in our impeccable "Baguio-English".

Now Baguio being a Colonial Hill Station established by the Americans has its unique character not seen in the entire archipelago. And this is ingrained in our lifestyle as well. Although predominantly Catholic -- we don't parade our santos during Holy Week or other fiestas. Ditto the presence of penitents. Or other acts of sanctity. I think the American Protestant ethic had permeated well into Baguio's psyche -- all the better I would say.

For one, my grandparents' generation frowned on hypocrisy. The type where someone like Imelda would publicly announce on an occasion like her 80th birthday that she is 'sincerely' sending get-well wishes and offering prayers to someone like, say, Cory Aquino. Oh no, in Baguio the older generation of gentlemen and ladies would behave more prudently. Dona Victorina would be ostracized in Baguio. No matter how much she would kiss-ass to the Americans. The Americans introduced the public school system, instilling in us all that education is a right, not a privilege. The American missionaries/teachers were also egalitarian, not feudal like their Spanish counterparts.

It is this same 'small-town-america' ethic, I think, that made us keep our noses to ourselves. Never the lot to gossip about our neighbors or pry into their private lives if we weren't asked to. Something I find utterly intrusive down here in Manila where every juan and maria thinks and feels they're entitled to what little personal space I already have. And struggling to protect. For example, I hate it when riding a jeepney that is almost empty and the next person who boards sits right next to you, his or her legs nudging you. Then he/she hands you his/her fare for you to go all the way to the driver to deliver. What the...?! Or how about all the pushing and shoving in grocery stores, department stores, the market, MRT? In Baguio, good manners was and is everyone's business and not reserved only for the rich and educated, as is the excuse down here in Manila (kasi wala silang pinag-aralan).

There are other lessons we have imbibed from our American founders. Cheating of all sorts was frowned upon and severely punished in school. Either in the classroom or out in the grounds during playtime. The social stigma of shame was in place. Something our politicians especially GMA have failed to heed.

Empathy is another thing we exercised up North. And still do today. We give to the less fortunate without being self-righteous about it. We give neighbors a ride during a rainstorm. We send over food to our sick friends. There was a time that the only beggars you would see in downtown were the blind singing and smiling their hearts out. There were no street children in Baguio. Or street adults for that matter. What big shock it was for me the first time I studied in Manila and saw the countless babies and kids being tended by their emaciated mothers or grandmothers out in the streets of Quezon City begging for food. I was terribly disturbed to tears at how all the rich folk in Manila seem to take the needy for granted.

Up north we value courtesy. We queue in the post office, in the grocery, in City Hall. Palakasan I believe was introduced by corrupt politicians during Marcos time. We are courteous people when driving in Baguio. We are mindful of pedestrians. We abide by traffic rules and speed limits. Even our taxi drivers give the exact change to passengers -- something totally amiss in Metro Manila.

The list can go on. Why am I comparing this experience to Imperial Manila? Because Manila is the seat of power, economically and politically. And Metro Manila, in all its polluted and corrupt state, sadly carries our national character. I am writing this now as I am bothered by Randy David's column in the Inquirer today. Please click on link below.

I am Filipino. And I am proud to be one. I may not speak Pilipino eloquently or wear the barong tagalog on a regular basis, but no one can doubt my being Filipino.

And I can make a mean adobo. Anyone care for some?

"I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him." -- Abraham Lincoln

Seeing like a nation - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

Seeing like a nation - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

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Why I majored in Sociology in College. And why I continue to ponder on How Filipino Are We? What is the Filipino?

I'M CAN SPEAK ENGLISH! CAN'T YOU?!1

My sister Joy had pointed out a mistake I made in my post yesterday Re: 'casted' and am glad she did just as the post had gone up. Maybe she should be my editor, because when I blog I just type away. My other sister, Felina had commented that maybe I should blog about such common errors in the usage of the English Language.

So welcome to the first I'M CAN SPEAK ENGLISH! CAN'T YOU?! post: SIGNS OF THE TIMES

Filipinos are an entrepreneurial lot. The ingenuity and resourcefulness they employ in advertising their business is often a source of amusement. No, I am not talking about the endless puns we're all too familiar with.

There is a shop in my neighborhood with this sign: "WE REPAIRED AIRCON, REF, TV AND OTHER APPLIANCES"

The shop is always open, with a gamut of electronic thingies spilling out into the sidewalk. I wonder, are those the last batch of orders they will be taking? And did they just repair one of each? Or are those really unfixed machines whose past owners no longer wish to claim -- then the sign should read -- WE REPAIRED THOSE AIRCONS, REFS, TVS AND OTHER APPLIANCES ALREADY. Or are the shop owners simply proud of their former business -- then the sign should read: "WE LOVED TO REPAIR AIRCONS..."

(Filipinos say 'aircon' for air-conditioner, while most westerners prefer 'AC'. Nothing wrong to it, as English has its nuances depending on the region wherein it is spoken. Hell, we say 'umbrella' but them bloody Brits insist on 'brolly'.)

I posted I'M CAN SPEAK ENGLISH, CAN'T YOU?! every Thursday.

BAGUIO STORIES

In April 1997, we mounted "Baguio Stories" at the Bulwagang Juan Luna in UP Baguio as part of the Summer Arts Festival that year. The production was comprised of four monologues that I had written specially for the festival. The monologues featured Celing, a widow who yearns for the past as a means of coping between fits of Alzheimer's and lucidity. Victor, the balikbayan who returns home for his mother's funeral and in pouring his heart out to his late mother, he is compelled to stay in Baguio and no longer return to the US. Marie, the young housewife who starts off writing a letter to her older sister in New York, struggles to mask her dissolving marriage and the alienation and entrapment she feels living in Baguio. The fourth monologue is Jefferson, the quintessential Baguio icon. Jefferson is a Pony Boy in Wright Park, and finds himself smitten by a rich, beautiful, charming girl from Manila. Despite the odds, Jefferson is determined to win the heart of the girl.

For the Baguio Centennial on September, the UP Baguio Committee on Culture and the Arts has decided to re-stage "Baguio Stories". But this time we have decided to add four more monologues to the original. And it is fortunate that fellow Baguio Writers Group members, Nonnett Bennett, Frank Cimatu and Luchie Maranan have obliged our request to submit their manuscripts.

Luchie's script is about a Burnham Park Photographer who seems to be locked in the old days of film and has refused to succumb to the digital age. He also discusses the changing mores and values of the youth as he has seen in the countless tourists that sought his services.

Frank Cimatu's script dwells on a Faith Healer. A composite of the different Faith Healers in Northern Luzon, loosely based on their experiences but promises to drop a bomb towards the end of the monologue.

Nonnett will write about Chainus, the first Igorot Carnival Queen at the turn of the 20th

Century as her spirit comes back in the present and reminds us how important it is to take care of the environment.

I am currently working on a storyline for the last monologue which will be about a Folk Singer. I will however have to work on this piece with a lyricist and composer as I envision the piece to be sung all throughout. I do have one person in mind but have yet to ask him, so for those of you who are interested or know anyone who might fit the role -- please do not hesitate to email me.

Auditions on the first week of August will be held for the roles that have not yet been cast. Playdates are on September 4, 5, 6, 11, 12, 13, 18, 19, 20, 25, 26 and 27. Friday Gala shows are at 7 PM and Saturdays and Sundays will have matinees at 3 pm and Gala performances at 7pm.

We hope to see you all during our performances.